Playing and sharing
Help your child to learn about playing and sharing happily with other children by encouraging him to take turns when he plays with you.
© Jupiter
Your toddler should mix with others as soon as possible. In the first year your child becomes used to interacting, not only with members of the immediate family, but also with the extended family such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins and friends who come to the house. Your toddler will be a great deal more comfortable with strangers and adults if he starts off feeling that every friend of yours is a friend of his. He needs to know too that there are other members of the family who will help and care for him and whom he can rely on and trust.
If you help your child to accept others readily then he won't have too much difficulty mixing with other children when expanding experience and the desire to strike out make him want the company of others of the same age. At about the age of 18 months children will usually tolerate other children although they won't necessarily play together; they may play side by side doing the same thing, but rarely interact. A little later, when they start to play with toys, grabbing and hitting between children is not unusual. However, if your child repeatedly does this then you must explain that it's not a good way to behave, and point out that he wouldn't like the same doing to him.
While your child has to learn to share, it is hardly realistic to expect him to automatically give a toy to another toddler if he wants it. This is not because your child is selfish or a bully; it is because he hasn't appreciated the concept of sharing. If your child makes a grab for a toy that another child is playing with, you can teach him about sharing by saying that if he has his friend's toy, he must give one of his to the friend. A child of two is usually able to understand the justice of this reciprocity. You have to deal with sharing in very simple terms because intellectually he is not grown up enough to have more adult behaviour forced upon him. It is not until he is about two and a half to three that you can use reason and expect your child to be more altruistic.
Encouraging generosity while playing
You can encourage your child to be generous from a very early age. As you are the most important person in his life it is easiest to be generous with you. You can take advantage of his desire to please you by teaching little generous acts (like giving Daddy a toy) and to then go on to encourage more and more unselfishness in his behaviour towards you and other members of the family. It is only natural for your child to want to please and be friendly with people who obviously care for him and love him and for whom he feels great affection.
Having accepted generous behaviour as the norm towards people whom he loves, it is a fairly logical extension to show unselfish, generous behaviour to people who are just friends. So, ask your young child to give you a toy or to give Daddy a toy, or to give you one each. If he finds a particular activity exciting and pleasurable, you can ask if you can join in and share the pleasure and excitement. Then encourage your toddler to do the same with other members of the family and friends who come to your home.
By the time your child is about 18 months old he should be able to share activities and treats with anyone who enters your home and is seen as a friend. If he can manage to do this he is well on the way to being generous and unselfish with his peers.
The timid child during play time
Some children are naturally shy, keep themselves to themselves and speak very little. Don't immediately think that your child has problems and become over-anxious and over-protective. A child who is quite talkative on home ground may be completely silent and withdrawn in a strange place or when confronted with strangers. This happens in many children around the age of one. In a new situation don't increase your child's difficulties by insisting that he join in immediately. Allow him to sit quietly on your knee or to stand by your side while he takes in what everyone is doing and becomes familiar with it. After half an hour or so, when you can sense that he is feeling more comfortable, gradually encourage him to join in your conversation. Even a shy child, if encouraged in this gentle, slow way, will join in with new friends and new games after an hour or so. But do remember to introduce new experiences slowly and allow your child to get used to them before moving on to other ones.
If your child's very timid and shy he may become very upset if you try to leave him with a babysitter. You must try to understand your child in this and still give him your love no matter how irritating the situation is. He'll grow out of this clinginess with your help, but he'll need to gain a sense of security first.
Only children
Although only children undoubtedly benefit from the constant love that they receive, and grow up feeling very close to both parents and friends, there are few who don't confess to having wanted brothers and sisters at some stage in their lives. This is rarely a serious problem but one of the things you can do to mitigate any possible problems is to introduce your baby to other babies of the same age. As your baby reaches the sociable age, around 18 months to two years, you should make a real effort to find friends for him and invite them to your home.
Try not to over-indulge during play time
It's easy for parents to over-indulge an only child and to make them feel too important. You're going to have to curb your desire to give him all that he wants and, just as important, all your attention. It's important that he learns to accept that he can't have everything that he wants and be the permanent centre of your world, just as a child in a larger family has to (see Your baby as part of the family).
It may be tempting to be possessive and over-protective. This can be bad for you and your child. You'll feel bereft when he becomes independent and needs you less, but your child will lose out on a sense of curiosity, adventure and independence and may become clingy. You mustn't shy away from disciplining your child either. Like any other child he has to be shown the right way to behave if he's to grow up able to mix with others.
New Babycare
Copyright © 2009 Dorling Kindersley
Text copyright © 2009 Miriam Stoppard
Posted 03.11.2010
Get more on this subject…
