My toddler's personal development
This second year will see the emergence of your toddler's personality as he affirms himself with you and with others, and starts developing his social interaction skills.
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During the second year much of your toddler's behaviour is attention-getting. He will try to do this by speaking, by crying, by hitting or by doing other things that he knows are forbidden. When he's successful at getting your attention he'll show how satisfied he is by smiling or laughing.
Two year olds often seem to be very negative and their favourite word appears to be “No”. This is a transitional stage between babyhood and childhood, and during it your toddler will be trying to assert his independence. He'll want to do everything immediately, and will frequently want a specific routine adhered to. Your toddler's mood may change frequently and his emotions may veer between extremes of lovingness and temper tantrums. One of the things that you must do is follow your child's mood when he shows this kind of negative assertiveness. Unless your child is given the opportunity of being independent at this stage such early resistance can lead to strongly negative behaviour now and later.
On a much more positive level, two-year-old toddlers become much more co-operative in play. Early play with an adult teaches toddlers how to be socially co-operative, as long as the adults are patient in showing children how to share. Your toddler will learn to share by being shared with. Gradually he will begin to co-operate with other children in play, although in the beginning other children may be unwilling to share. Encourage your child to persevere and don't give up showing your child by your example.
Development of likes and dislikes
A child begins to show all kinds of assertiveness during this year and it is quite natural that he should demonstrate preferences dramatically. He is very keen to grow up and to show that he is growing up. He no longer sees himself as a mirror image of you; he now sees the two of you as separate people, and therefore finds no reason for doing exactly what you want. He will be determined to exercise his independence and will refuse offers of help and shrug off your assistance, even when he really needs it.
Your child is developing likes and dislikes, and has a very strong urge to fulfil his own desires, even though they may not be the same as yours, and yet the conflict that this may bring can make him feel very unhappy. Your child is torn between the very strong drive to exert independence and the drive to be loved by you.
Even when he is trying to win a battle with you he needs your help and emotional support because he is too immature to manage without them.
Balancing his needs during personal development
Your job is to take the middle road and to try to balance your child's need for independence with the need for love and protection. It isn't always easy. Your toddler's thinking is immature; his memory is short, and judgement is unreliable. He cannot think ahead and may be impatient when things don't get done immediately.
At the same time your child is eager to control and dominate the world around him. His strength of will is ahead of his intellectual capacity so you'll have to decide when it is time to baby your toddler and when it is time to encourage and push him on, allowing independence and adventurousness, while still guarding against any dangers. Do be flexible in allowing your toddler to exercise these likes and dislikes, and don't enforce your will simply to win or to show your authority. You can always win a battle by pulling rank, but you shouldn't be unreasonable for the sake of it.
Judge the situation carefully. You'll find that there are very few instances where it is important for you to get your own way (one would be if your toddler's safety or well-being was threatened, for example). Where it doesn't matter and no harm will come of it, it's best to let your child do what he wants to.
Personality
- If your child has a strong desire for approval, he will be motivated to fulfil the expectations of those around him. The desire for your approval and the approval of other adults usually comes before the desire for the approval of friends. Whenever you can, get your child to do the “right” things for your approval, then praise him for doing it.
- Young children express their sympathy by trying to help or comfort a person who is sad or in distress, but they are unable to sympathize until they have been in a situation similar to that of a person who is distressed.
- When children understand the facial expressions and speech of others they develop the ability to empathize with them and to experience what the other person is feeling.
- Children who tend to be rather dependent, who like to be helped and given attention and affection, are often motivated to behave in a socially approved way. The more independent children are motivated less by the desire for approbation.
- Children who are friendly express their friendliness by wanting to do things for and with others. These children express their affection for others in all kinds of words and gestures.
- Children who are not allowed to be constantly in the limelight of family attention, and who are given opportunities and encouragement to share what they have, want to think of others and do things for them rather than simply concentrating on their own possessions, their own interests and getting their own way.
New Babycare
Copyright © 2009 Dorling Kindersley
Text copyright © 2009 Miriam Stoppard
Posted 03.11.2010
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