Nudity, sexuality and young children
When she was younger, your child didn't really have the sense of her own body or nudity in general. This will begin to change with age and the family may have to adapt accordingly.
© Jupiter
A child's sex education begins with the first cuddle. All children take pleasure in physical contact and joy in their parents' reciprocity. They grow up realizing that people touch one another as an act of friendship as well as an act of love.
As your child gets older he will become pleasantly aware of his body, without being at all self-conscious about it. You can encourage this by having an open attitude to nudity within the family. Like everything else, a child learns patterns of behaviour and attitudes from you. The child who sees his parents unclothed and unembarrassed will take nudity as a matter of course and is unlikely to grow up concerned about nakedness. On the other hand, if you are worried about it he will almost certainly worry about it too.
It is natural for a child to be curious about the differences between male and female bodies. Your child will probably have been aware of the difference in genders since the age of 15 months or so, and once he sees his parents naked he'll be aware of sexual differences. Curiosity about his mother's breasts and his father's penis is best satisfied by a frank chat and a good look. Neither of these things is likely to stimulate sexual feelings in your child and he'll only be embarrassed if you are.
Answering children's questions related to nudity and sexuality
Children who are encouraged to ask questions, and who are given explanations, take for granted that their parents will listen to them. These children grow up to be happier and less authoritarian than children whose questions are ignored and who are rarely supplied with explanations. Parents who take note of what their child says are showing that they consider him an individual with something useful to say. If your family believes and operates in this free and easy manner, it's going to be a much happier unit.
In the early years your child regards you as omniscient and will naturally turn to you for advice on most subjects. If you remain approachable and welcome questions your child will grow up feeling that he can talk to you about anything. Discouraging your child from asking questions when he is young and uninhibited will only make any inhibitions worse as he grows older. If you want to be the confidant of your children you should try to keep the channels of communication open at any cost.
You should not avoid answering questions, even if they embarrass you. If you are concerned about when to tell your child about sex, the answer is that you explain the first time that he asks you. A child's curiosity should always be met by your willingness to answer truthfully. It is much better if he learns about sex in an accurate, matter-of-fact way from you than in a secretive melodramatic way from friends who may well have some of the information wrong.
From about three years onwards, a child can handle at least part of the truth on sexual questions, although it is not until he is about six or seven that he can understand the mechanics of sex. I told my own children about conception, the growth of a child in the womb and childbirth whenever they asked about it. I left talking about sexual intercourse until the age of six or so depending on the child. All discussions on sex should include aspects of caring, loving and the responsibilities involved in intimate relationships.
Young children and their genitals
Babies usually become aware of their genital organs toward the end of the first year but handle them without any obvious pleasure. Handling eventually does bring a pleasurable sensation, and then fondling becomes more like real masturbation. Most children of both sexes masturbate, and it's simply unreasonable to expect them not to. Despite the myths, it will not lead to blindness or insanity.
It is perfectly normal for a boy to handle his penis. After all, he handles every other part of his body that sticks out. In young children, this is rarely done for any length of time or for any purpose. The pleasure it brings is more general than sexual. It is not until children are much older that they feel sexual excitement.
Don't scold your child
There is no reason to discourage a child from handling genitals, nor should you stop him from masturbating. That will only cause furtiveness, and worse, it may stop your child discussing anything about genital organs in later life. Unless masturbation is an obsessional means of escaping from reality, the best way to treat it is by paying no attention to it at all. If by accident it happens in public, distraction is the best course of action, but never, ever, scold your child for it.
New Babycare
Copyright © 2009 Dorling Kindersley
Text copyright © 2009 Miriam Stoppard
Posted 03.11.2010
Get more on this subject…
