My young child's personal development
Your young child's personal life will now take a more sophisticated turn, as he begins to form his first real friendships outside of the family unit.
© Jupiter
Your young baby's dependence on you stemmed from the fact that you were the centre of his universe, you were the caretaker and the affection-giver. He couldn't get through life without your help and support and he sought your approval and affection.
However, as he gets older and sees himself as an independent person, not just a reflection of you, he also begins to see you as a separate personality and as a whole person. He is experiencing many different feelings and new emotions with which he has to become familiar. He begins to know real love for many of the things around him: his favourite toy, a pet, a favourite grandparent. All of these feelings bring your child closer to the adult idea of love.
Young children respond to your moods
If he sees that you are tired he is genuinely concerned, and if you are unhappy he is sincerely sympathetic. When he is enjoying something he will want to share the experience with you and will offer to share it. If you need help, he will offer it to you spontaneously because he really wants to give it. If you are upset or frightened, he feels profoundly sorry for you, and tells you so with words and expressions. He has a strong desire to make you feel better and happier, and does so in the only way that he knows, by telling you that he loves you and by hugging you.
This is quite a step forward in your child's personal development, because all these feelings and actions are truly unselfish. He is now putting someone else before himself; he is becoming genuinely caring and loving; he wants to understand someone else and do what is best for them; he wants to bring them pleasure and comfort. These are very grown-up things to want to do. Always encourage these tendencies and make sure you praise him when he exhibits them.
Imitation and identification during personal development
Your child has always learned by imitation and as he gets older he begins to learn by “identification”, too. He begins to put himself in your position and into the position of others and starts to behave as he would have others behave towards him. This means that he is starting to control himself and take command of himself. You may even overhear your child scolding himself when he has done something that he thinks you will disapprove of. The big difference is that he now disapproves of it in himself as well.
You will find your child observing and identifying with most of the adults who are close to him and any interesting ones who are not. He may exercise his imagination by dressing up and acting out roles and by being all kinds of different people. But most of all what he is doing is practising being you. He will play Mummy or Daddy with dolls and toys and you may even hear the imitation of exact phrases that you use with exactly the same intonation you have in your voice. These are all his ways of exploring and experimenting with the way he thinks the world works.
Making friends
Your child's galloping desire to learn brings with it the desire for the company of children of a similar age. He will probably be showing signs of gregariousness and of wanting to join in games with others during this year and he'll need the stimulation of other children's ideas and their company.
You cannot make friends for your child, but you can help him to find friends. Your child has to learn how to make friends slowly, just as he has learned all the other lessons in his life, so introduce your child to making friends with only one at a time.
Start off on home ground first and invite a child who lives nearby so that your child is in familiar surroundings and has a sense of confidence about what he is doing and where he's doing it. Make sure that you are near at hand to give him help and support should he need it, and encourage him to settle down to playing by playing along yourself. Once he has got over the first hurdle of making friends, try inviting two or three children to the house at the same time. Once your child becomes a member of a group of friends make it clear to him that they are welcome at your home and that he can bring them into the house once he has asked your permission. As your child makes his first steps into the outside world, it is important that he has a comfortable feeling about it and has confidence about his own place within it, so helping gather around a small group of friends whom he knows and with whom he gets on, is an important way of laying down the right patterns for later life.
Encouraging security in a young child
All children have fears. Anxiety and fear are normal emotions, but they make a child feel very unhappy and uneasy, and it will be some time before your toddler has the ability to cope with fears or avoid the things that make him afraid (see All About Crying).
One of the most common early fears is of your absence or of being abandoned. The easiest way to cure this is to show your child that you will always come back as you promised and when you said you would. Fear will not be cured by staying with your child; that will only make him more fearful because he never learns to cope without you.
Your small child also begins to feel anxiety if he finds that his own feelings are getting out of control, like frustration, anger and jealousy. The way to help here is to listen and observe your toddler as closely as possible, so that you can pick up all the clues as to what is causing the anxiety and then reassure him. Talking about some of the fears and explaining what's happening will give the reassurance that he needs.
Remember that whether you think your child's fear is reasonable or unreasonable, as far as your child himself is concerned the fear is still the same. All fears have to be handled sympathetically and gently. Never suddenly present your child with whatever makes him most frightened. You wouldn't dream of asking your child to stay outside in a thunderstorm if he was afraid of thunder, so why should you expect him to pat the dog he's scared of? Whenever your child shows fear, accept that fear as real and don't brush it aside as nothing. Always tell your child when there is nothing to fear, but don't just tell him not to be afraid, because he won't understand that. Explain why there is no reason to be frightened, always tell him that you understand why he is, and sympathize with his fear. Never ridicule the fear; that will simply make your child secretive, and it is much harder for him to cope with a fear alone, than to cope with your help.
New Babycare
Copyright © 2009 Dorling Kindersley
Text copyright © 2009 Miriam Stoppard
Posted 03.11.2010
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