Boundaries for young children
Your young child will only be able to learn the differences between right and wrong if the acceptable boundaries are clearly pointed out by you and explained every time.
© Jupiter
As your child becomes old enough to reason with you, you can explain what discipline is. This way he will grow up knowing that discipline is based on mutual responsibility and participation in decisions. Don't expect blind obedience from a child. It is far better to reason and persuade. If, however, you take the trouble to discuss why it is wrong to behave in a certain way and right to behave in another, you'll find that your child is interested in motives and is much more likely to do what you want because he understands why you want it.
On the other hand, don't make the mistake of talking over every decision, and never just telling your child what to do. When you think the situation warrants it, give a simple order unless you feel that your child is going to be recalcitrant and a softer approach may be better.
Good disciplining should give your child the opportunity to make a choice. Part of growing up is about exercising choices and options and he has to learn this skill like any other. Choose very carefully when you are going to give him a choice: let it be one he will find fairly simple, one you don't really think is important which way the decision goes. Don't try to fool your child by giving a choice when your decision is already made; you won't fool him.
When to insist
- When your child's safety or the safety of another person is threatened. There have to be rules, for instance, whenever fireworks are used or whenever you make a camp fire or have a barbecue.
- Children have to grow up learning that the wishes and comforts of other people must be honoured. I have been very strict on matters where thoughtfulness, helpfulness, unselfishness and courtesy with anyone are concerned.
- I feel that there can be few concessions about honesty. With my own children I was always severe with lying and stealing. I didn't do this through punishment but by proving to the child that it was better and easier on them to tell the truth, no matter how bad it was, and no matter how dreadful the crime seemed, than to tell a lie. I wanted my children to know that I appreciated the courage it takes to own up to something.
New Babycare
Copyright © 2009 Dorling Kindersley
Text copyright © 2009 Miriam Stoppard
Posted 03.11.2010
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