My baby's personal development
Your baby is different from all others. He is unique, and no matter how many books you read, none can tell you about him and how his personal development will progress.
© Jupiter
You are going to have to discover your baby for yourself and little by little, with careful observation, paying close attention to all the signals, you will come to know and prize his individuality. It is one of the most precious possessions a child has, and one of the most important jobs you do is to nourish that individuality. Help it to grow and flower and maintain it intact.
Getting to know your baby as a person is like reading an exciting story very slowly. You'll find out if he likes very gentle treatment or slightly rougher handling; you'll discover if he has a ready sense of humour, enjoys a joke and is eager to join in with things, or whether he prefers to be quiet. It may take you several weeks to know how he behaves when he's really well and happy, and until you do you may worry about whether he's ill or not. It may even take you a couple of months to know his crying patterns - an early signal of whether he's going to be a fretful baby or a placid one (see Recognizing different cries). But don't worry. You'll gradually come to know all of your baby's idiosyncrasies: if he's a fast or slow feeder; if he needs a lot of sleep or is wakeful; if he likes to be cuddled or not.
While you are learning about your baby you will have to make many reassessments and adjustments as you fit your daily routine to his needs.
Social milestones and personal development
By the time that your baby is six months old he will have learned a lot about being a sociable human being. In ways that we do not quite understand, he will have become an expert at the flow of social exchange. He'll know how to start a conversation with you and how to get you to play. He will have learned how to hold your attention by smiling, by babbling and by being interested and curious; and how to end a conversation by looking away or appearing bored.
The stages at which he acquires this ability are outlined below:
By three months
Your baby won't like to be deprived of social contact and will quite often cry as soon as he is left alone. However, he'll stop crying when an adult reappears and when he is talked to or is diverted by a toy or a rattle. He'll turn his head when he hears human voices and will smile when an adult smiles at him or makes a kind of clucking sound. He'll express pleasure when others are present by smiling, kicking and waving his arms. He'll recognize his mother and other familiar people by acting sociably, and will show fear of strangers by turning away and possibly even crying.
By the fourth month
He may lift his arms in anticipation of being picked up. He will focus on faces and will nearly always follow the direction of the person who puts him down. He'll smile at the person who speaks to him and whenever anyone pays special attention to him he'll show delight. He'll laugh out loud when he is being played with.
Between the fifth and sixth month
He will show quite a different reaction to smiling and to a scolding tone of voice. Familiar people are greeted with a smile, and strange people with recognizable expressions of fear.
At six months
Social behaviour becomes much more active so he may pull the hair of the person who is holding him or rub their nose or start to pat the person's face.
At seven to nine months
He will socialize by imitating speech sounds and gestures.
By 12 months
He will refrain from doing things if told “No”, and will show fear and dislike of strangers by rushing to his mother, and possibly even crying when the stranger approaches. He may become slightly clingy at this age.
Respond to your baby's personal behaviour
The generally accepted definition of a good baby is one who cries very little, settles down easily and sleeps for long periods; the definition of a bad baby is the opposite. On the basis of these definitions all of my friends had good babies and I had bad babies. However, I would not describe any of my babies as bad. My babies were demanding and occasionally difficult but I am sure this arose only because they wanted my attention and, to me, this seems perfectly normal.
In the first few weeks you and your baby have to get used to each other. Do not be put off by how your baby behaves initially. He has no control over how he responds to the outside world and may exhibit tendencies that will not remain beyond the first couple of months. He may be miserable, jumpy, excessively wakeful or excessively sleepy. What you must do is deal with your baby's needs as competently and calmly as possible, giving all the love that you have.
Your baby as part of the family
During the first few weeks of your baby's life the household will revolve around him, but from then on he'll have to learn to fit in with the household and the rest of the family. It is important that your new baby learns to live with a group of people for whom there are routines, accepted customs and modes of behaviour, quite a number of guidelines and a few rules.
However, your baby can't be expected to fit into family routines if he isn't introduced to them, so include your baby in family activities like mealtimes, games, outings, shopping, household chores, looking after pets and visiting friends as soon as possible. All of these encounters are important to your child because through the working of the family group he will learn about the working of people in general. In this way he'll relate how he behaves with his own family to how he should behave with strangers.
Through the family your baby will eventually learn the social customs and attitudes of your society. One of the most important ways your baby learns is by imitation - so by watching and copying how you behave, your child develops his own behaviour patterns.
New Babycare
Copyright © 2009 Dorling Kindersley
Text copyright © 2009 Miriam Stoppard
Posted 03.11.2010
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