Boundaries for babies
Very few children under the age of a year need true disciplining. Up to this age a child is not open to reasonable argument and your main form of discipline will simply be to set boundaries and say “No”.
© Jupiter
If your baby doesn't obey, you may have to resort to the physical removal of either the baby or the object. I don't believe that young babies should ever be smacked or punished.
As they grow up all young children need to be shown the boundaries of socially acceptable behaviour by their parents. Many of these limits are implicitly set by the way members of the family behave to one another. Setting a good example by your own behaviour is the best way to teach your child what good behaviour is. It is part of your responsibility as the parent to give your child guidelines on behaviour so start to do this during your child's first year. If you don't, your child will soon find that other children and adults won't tolerate someone ill-mannered and selfish. You're going to have to keep to some guidelines in your home, as in any other organized group of people, for the sake of efficiency, justice and safety.
Understanding bad behaviour and boundary limits
No baby behaves badly deliberately, although many a tired and exhausted parent feels convinced that they do. Your baby may cry constantly and be very irritable and grumpy, but this is usually due to being over-tired, hungry, ill, anxious or scared of your leaving or of meeting strangers. This is not your baby's fault and he should never be blamed for what really is beyond his control. Nor should you blame yourself if you've done everything within your power to prevent or correct what is causing your baby's unhappiness.
Towards the end of this year one of the major causes of “bad behaviour” will be frustration. Your baby may be a fairly strong-willed character to begin with and as he gets older and more independent he's going to want to express this. A battle of wills will soon emerge and he'll no longer accept that you have total control over his life. He'll challenge your preferences and begin to assert himself strongly. Objections to your choice of food are common, so let your baby choose what he wants to eat, and the order that he eats it (see Daily eating patterns). Equally, if he wants to wear certain items of clothing let him go ahead and wear them. If you don't allow your baby some freedom at this time he will become very frustrated and angry.
Helping your baby
Doing things alone may bring their own frustrations because your child's ambitions will often exceed his capabilities. He won't be able to make his body do what he wants it to, and he'll find that he cannot manage the world in the way that he wants to. This will inevitably result in tears and possibly temper tantrums (see Frustration). Try not to get annoyed at this - every child goes through similar behaviour - but do give him your assistance. If you don't offer to help at this point he may waste a lot of energy trying to do something that is completely beyond him and repeated failure will be very demoralizing. When your baby is in this kind of mood, bullying and pressurizing will simply cause more stubbornness. Be tactful, humorous even, and a little devious. If you let your baby feel that he is taking control you'll find that he very often fits in with what you want. So, instead of saying “Don't” to your baby who is throwing plastic mugs everywhere, make the clearing up into a game. Sit down and suggest that he tries to pick them all up before you count to ten.
When to say “No” to babies
During your baby's first year there are very few reasons for saying “No”. I had only one unbreakable rule in my children's first year. That was when they were doing something that was unsafe for themselves and others. In these instances I would say “No” firmly and at the same time remove the object from my child, or stop my child from performing the dangerous activity. I did not wait for my child to stop. As I was trying to teach my child what was unsafe, I always offered an explanation as to why I was stopping him from behaving in a certain way. I simply stated what was dangerous about it and repeated it every time the same thing occurred in the hope that my child would remember, learn and not do it again. I did not chastise and I tried not to become angry. Only as they got older and learned the rule did I give them the opportunity to resist without my intervention first.
I believe the best way to teach a child how to behave is by praise and reward for good behaviour, or by example with an explanation from other members of the family. However, this will only be successful when your child has the intellectual ability to recognize what's wrong and can decide what the correct way to behave actually is.
New Babycare
Copyright © 2009 Dorling Kindersley
Text copyright © 2009 Miriam Stoppard
Posted 03.11.2010
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