Possible sleep problems for young children
By the age of two, your child will have mastered some tricks of the trade to put off going to bed, and as his imagination and experience have broadened, he may also have bad dreams or a fear of the dark.
Delaying tactics
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Your child may try to stop you leaving by saying that he simply doesn't want you to go. Here again, you have a choice of action. You can stay with your child until any possible fears have gone and he is feeling calm enough to go to sleep, either with you or without you. Or you can call your child's bluff and leave. I think the latter action is dangerous as it can cause your child to get so frightened that he becomes hysterical. This is bad both in the short term - he will have great difficulties in going to sleep that night - and in the long term - you may make your child fearful of going to bed for several years to come. I would never advocate it.
Another way is to say “If you lie still for five minutes I will come back” and then come back in exactly five minutes. Make sure that he's comfortable and say that you will come back in another five minutes and do so again. In your absence, leave some music playing or let your child continue to read the book he has been reading or to enjoy the game he has been playing, so that he is not left alone with fearful thoughts, waiting for you to return. On the third or fourth occasion you'll probably find he's asleep.
As a last resort, take your child downstairs with you. Rest assured that there is absolutely no harm in it, although you will have to be prepared for this to become a long-term habit. It makes for some very rewarding family evenings, as long as you don't get too tired and you aren't too jealous of your privacy. Use the method most suitable for you all.
Possible fear of the dark in young children
If your child delays going to bed because he is fearful of being left alone or of being in the dark, then you yourself can allay both of these fears. If your child is scared of being alone in the dark sit and distract him by reading a story, playing a game or singing nursery rhymes. Make sure that he is calm and sleepy, and actually sit and pat his back until he has quietly dropped off. Fear of the dark is perfectly normal and reasonable in a small child, so don't insist on the bedroom being dark. Provide a low-voltage night light which will be a comfort to him and will help you to see your way in the child's bedroom late at night.
Problems of bad dreams and sleep walking
Your child probably won't have a nightmare before the age of three, though children sometimes wake up with a scream and a frightened look, suggesting that they have had a bad dream. Many children have the odd nightmare and this is normal, although it can be quite frightening for the parent if the child doesn't become conscious straight away. Nightmares are not abnormal unless they happen often or are accompanied by regular sleep-walking. This behaviour suggests that the child is having to exercise a great deal of self-control to overcome anxieties when he is awake and only loses this control when he is asleep. If you can, the treatment is to find out the cause of the tension and to remove it. If the cause isn't obvious, like a new baby in the house, or starting at nursery school, talking things over with your doctor may be of help. If nightmares are a real problem, your doctor may recommend a child psychologist.
A night terror is different. Your child's eyes may be open although he won't actually see you. He may shout abuse at you in a strange, garbled language and be rude and angry. Ignore all this; he is not in control of himself and, don't forget, during the night terror he'll be very frightened.
Very often there is little you can do to relieve your child's fear, even though that is your greatest wish. There's no point in trying to speak to him rationally about what's going on. He can't even understand the words you say in many cases. During the nightmare don't ask your child to do anything. This puts further pressure on him and only increases his anxiety. The only way for you to behave, even though the nightmare may last as long as half an hour, is to remain by his side, and be entirely sympathetic, calm, softly spoken and caring. Never, ever, leave your child with a night terror. Stay the whole time until it is over. Your nearness and comfort are all that is required. Speak soothingly and quietly about anything you like; don't suggest that he tries to pull himself together; never raise your voice and never scold your child as this may make him hysterical.
Locked doors
Never lock your child's door to keep him separate from you. This is just admitting to a failure in your ability to handle your child and is cruel. Locked doors and barriers shouldn't be used as childcare devices. They are no substitute for you teaching your child, even as early as two years old, about respecting other people's privacy, including your own. A three-year-old child is open to reason and you can explain to him that he cannot just get out of bed when he pleases, and that you will put him back no matter how often he does it. If you are firm, but reasonable, your child should respond.
If your child habitually gets out of bed put a guard across his bedroom doorway or top of the stairs for his own safety.
New Babycare
Copyright © 2009 Dorling Kindersley
Text copyright © 2009 Miriam Stoppard
Posted 03.11.2010
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