A new lifestyle
As a new parent you'll notice quite a few changes in your life. It will almost be a complete reversal of lifestyle, which at first may not be easy to accept.
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A life of free and easy egocentricity will be nailed down to your new baby's inner alarm clock, to the necessity for feeds, to changing nappies and tending your baby at any time of the day and night. Some parents don't accept it and never let the baby dominate their lives. They try to carry on with their free and easy way of life with a baby basket tagging along.
Other parents do exactly the opposite and give up everything to look after their baby. The baby becomes the centre of their lives and they devote all their energy towards his or her care. Neither of these extremes is a good idea; far and away the best is a happy medium in which the needs and emotions of the baby and parents more or less dovetail together.
Meeting different lifestyle needs
Children need certain things from their parents. They need security and love; they need to be introduced to new experiences and they need to be recognized and loved as individuals. If a parent fulfils these needs, particularly love and affection, which are the most important things that you can give a child, then that child will develop normally and establish a pattern for forming all future relationships.
After love, the next most important thing that you can give your child is stimulation. A young child is like a sponge soaking up practically every new idea and experience she comes in contact with. Your new baby has a great potential to develop and learn and is just dying to be given the opportunity. So, to be good parents, it's important to start introducing your child to the outside world with all its wonders and excitements, first through yourselves and the immediate family, and then through your extended family.
Children also need to know that the adults they love most, their parents, approve of them. The way you should show this approval is by praise. It has often been noted that children respond much better to praise than to blame, and a positive attitude of teaching and education is far more effective than a negative one. A child who is loved has self-respect; a child who is unloved has none. A child will respond to this situation by being difficult to manage, and generally anti-social.
Although children have needs, parents have needs too. Your needs don't disappear just because you've become a parent. The elation of having a baby will be quickly dispelled if you feel that your needs go completely unheeded. All parents make sacrifices but there is no need for you to be a martyr. If your needs and those of your child are not well balanced, then resentment will build up and the chances of creating a happy, loving domestic atmosphere will be minimal.
Parents' new lifestyle needs
The needs of both parents must be taken into consideration. In this day and age parents can be nothing but equal, and parenting and childrearing must be equally shared. It should really be viewed as a contract: you're equally responsible for your child's conception so you should take equal responsibility for rearing your child. The least that must happen is that you and your partner are in agreement with each other about the roles that you have to play in parenting your child. It's just not good enough for a woman to be expected to take on all the childcare without any support, while the father leaves early in the morning and doesn't return home until after the baby is asleep. In this situation everyone is missing out.
In an ideal world, the needs of parents and children would complement each other. In other words, the need of the parents to love and nurture their young baby would be matched by the infant's dependency and need for care. One of the things that triggers off conflict in a family is when the two sets of needs do not match - especially if the parents aren't mature enough to meet the demands of a young child.
New Babycare
Copyright © 2009 Dorling Kindersley
Text copyright © 2009 Miriam Stoppard
Posted 03.11.2010
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