Making time for yourselves
At first, it may be more difficult than you'd thought to settle into your new roles as parents. One of the most difficult changes to manage is lack of time. Most of your waking and sleeping hours will be devoted to the care of your new baby at first.
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This can be frustrating and might make you feel resentful. If you can keep up some of your contacts with friends, continue with as much of your usual lifestyle as you can, and keep the lines of communication open between you and your partner, it'll go a long way to helping you cope with the many demands on your time and energy.
Sharing
Doing things together is especially important once you have a baby. Young babies are easy to take with you, so don't hesitate to include him in your plans. He can come along when you visit friends, and you may be surprised at how easy it is to keep up your social life in the first few months of your baby's life.
You also need time together alone and, although it may seem odd having to make a formal appointment to spend time with your partner, it really can help you to keep up a healthy relationship. One of the problems you'll have following the birth of your first child is that the spontaneity you had as a free and easy couple does rather tend to get lost, so planning to spend time together becomes vitally important. It needn't be elaborate - it could be something as minor as always having a cup of tea and a chat together at the end of the day, or planning to go swimming together for two hours every Sunday while a friend or relative looks after your baby.
Time alone
We all need time and space to recharge our batteries. When you have a baby it's easy to get so caught up in the never-ending round of baby care that you lose sight of this need. It's important to have at least a few hours every week when you can just please yourself - whether on a special outing, seeing a friend, or doing something you enjoy. Make an arrangement with someone you trust to babysit for you - your partner, a close friend, or relative. You'll be the better for it and your baby will also benefit from social contact with other people.
Making time in your daily routine
It's important to find some time in your daily routine when you and your partner can be alone together. This will help keep your relationship alive and well.
At home
Keep up the small rituals of your daily life together. If you always had a cup of tea and a chat together at the end of the working day, shared a bath in the evenings, did the crossword together, or read your own books and papers while chatting or reading bits out to one another, continue to do so. Not only are these ways of spending precious time together, they'll also help you keep some normality in your everyday lives.
Going out
Your new baby's surprisingly easy to take along in the first few months of her life, but you'll also need time together without your baby. Ask someone you really trust to babysit. If you're breastfeeding, express your milk so that your baby can be fed while you're out. It may seem difficult or too much hassle to organize, but persevere. It's important for you and your partner to have time together away from your baby.
As a couple
If you want to learn a new sport or skill, or take up an old one again, why not plan to do it together now? Putting aside two or three hours every week when you're booked to do something as a couple will make sure that you have time together as individuals rather than always as parents.
Posted 30.06.2010
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