Gaining control from 1 to 2 years
I believe that there's only one way to approach the whole subject of bowel and bladder control and that's to take signals from your child and to help, not train, your child. Control over the bowel or bladder is rare before the age of 15 or 18 months; sometimes it is very much later.
Gaining bowel control
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It is not uncommon for babies to empty their bowels during a meal or very soon after as early as three months. Some parents take this to be an early sign of readiness for toilet training. It is not at all. It is simply the working of the gastro-colic reflex that stimulates the passage of food down the intestines to the bowels when food is eaten.
Your child will be ready for your help when she can make the connection between inner sensations and the physical reality of passing urine and faeces. You'll notice this awareness when, for example, she suddenly stops what she's doing and points to the nappy, or otherwise attracts your attention with a cry or a shout then fills her nappy. Your child's awareness of having a full rectum and a full bladder will probably occur at about the same time. However, her ability to deal with the two sensations will be different.
Introducing a potty between 1 and 2 years
It's much easier to “hold on” to a full rectum than it is to a full bladder, and your child will probably achieve bowel control first. Because of this it's sensible to help your child use the potty for bowel movements first. It's also sensible from your point of view because bowel movements are more predictable, so you can prepare for them on your child's behalf. When your child makes her special movements or sounds, suggest that she use the potty. Make things easier by deliberately leaving off any clothes or nappies so that nothing hinders her getting on to the potty in time.
After she's been on the potty, wipe her bottom (front to back in girls) with some toilet paper. Put the wipes in the potty and flush the whole lot down the lavatory. Remove any trace of faeces and rinse out the potty, then wash it with disinfectant.
Never force your child to sit on the potty. It will have the reverse effect, so that when you next suggest that she use it you'll be faced with a point-blank refusal or even a tantrum. Instead, just forget about the potty for a few days and then re-introduce it in a casual way.
Gaining bladder control
This process will have to be gradual and for it to be successful your child's bladder will have to be capable of holding more than a little urine without spontaneously emptying. One of the first signs of this maturity is your child's nappy being dry after a reasonable length of time (for example, after an afternoon nap). Once your child stays dry regularly throughout this nap you can start to leave off that nappy. Before you put your child down for her nap, encourage her to empty her bladder. If she does, congratulate your child; if she doesn't, don't make a fuss, just try it again another day.
When she can do this successfully and can indicate to you that she wants to go on to the potty, you can start leaving off nappies completely during the day. Never start this until she can wait quite comfortably for a few minutes while you take down her clothes.
There will be accidents so be prepared for them and always be sympathetic. Never scold your toddler if she has an accident: it's not her fault. Just mop up and change any clothing without making a fuss.
Toilet “training” between 1 and 2 years
I'm whole-heartedly against toilet training. For me there are no arguments in favour of it, only arguments against it. I believe that toilet training proceedings and the attitudes that advocate “training” a child's bowel movements and bladder function should be eradicated from child care and child development.
The reasons I feel this so strongly are as follows. It is impossible to train a child to do anything unless the body has developed to a point where it is anatomically and physiologically able to perform the tasks that you demand of it.
When applied to bowel and bladder function this means that it is impossible for your child to control either of these unless the bowel and the bladder muscles are strong enough to hold urine and faeces, and that, at a given order from the brain, the nerves to the bowel and bladder are mature enough to obey the order and evacuate. If this level of development has not been reached there is nothing that your child can do to adhere to your “training” programme.
You can see immediately what a dreadful position this puts your child in. She is aware of what you want, but her body is unable to perform the task. Your toddler's desire to please you overrides almost all other desires, and in this she is frustrated. She becomes unhappy at not being able to please you and may then feel inadequate, ashamed, guilty and finally resentful. If you insist on a toilet programme when your child's not ready for it, the result can only be sadness. The relationship with your child will deteriorate. You will become a source of unhappiness, and bowel movements and potty training will become a battleground of your baby's will against your nerves, and you'll always be the loser. You cannot make your baby pass a stool, or keep a nappy dry, and if you try to do either of these things you'll make your child suffer every time the inevitable accident occurs.
Tips
- Do let your child develop at her own pace. There is no way that you can speed up the process, you can only be there to help your child along.
- Let your child decide whether or not to sit on the potty. You can suggest that she does but you should never force the issue.
- Do treat your child's faeces in a sensible manner, and never show any disgust or dislike for them. They're a natural part of your child and initially she'll be very proud of them.
- Do not delay once your child has signalled as control is only possible for a short time.
- Praise your child and treat her control as an accomplishment.
New Babycare
Copyright © 2009 Dorling Kindersley
Text copyright © 2009 Miriam Stoppard
Posted 03.11.2010
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