Pre-school nerves
There are very few children who skip off happily to playgroup or nursery school with a cheery goodbye and hardly a backwards look. Prepare your child well in advance, no matter how self-confident she seems.
© Jupiter
The first thing you have to do is to look at the various schools in your area. Visit each one, talk to the teachers at some length, and sit in on at least a couple of classes so that you can get a good feel for the atmosphere and for how interested the teachers are in the children and how much individual attention they are prepared to give during different activities. One of the most important things you have to establish is that there is a rapport between you and the teachers. If there isn't, there is no point in sending your child there, no matter how good the school appears to be.
Take your nervous child to pre-school
Most nursery schools suggest that you take your child along for a brief visit several weeks ahead of when she is going to start. Don't make a big thing of it. Fit it in between errands and don't stay for any longer than about 15 minutes. Don't push her into it. Make the point of your visit a chat to one of the teachers and just let your child look, listen, observe and absorb. Let her wander around, touch, pick up and play with things, but don't force your child to do so. Some nursery schools will let your child visit more than once.
On the first morning be prepared for a shaky start, and for the necessity of staying with your child for the whole morning. Many nurseries welcome this and they will suggest that you help your child by participating in the lessons and staying quite near her. This may not be necessary. As soon as your child feels that you are not going to leave, she will be quite happy if you sit at the back of the room. Take some work or a book along with you so that it is not a complete waste of time as far as you are concerned. If your child seems quite happy, say that you are just going to pop out to get something from the car and will be back in five minutes. Come back in exactly five minutes. If your child is distressed when you leave, don't go. If, on the other hand, she is quite happy, you might let another half hour pass and say that you are just going to do an errand and that you will be back in 20 minutes. Be sure that you are back in time.
Take the lead from your nervous child
Over the next few days, using your child's reaction as a guide, see if you can leave her for longer. Some children adapt very quickly to a nursery and you won't need to stay after a few days. Others may still want you to stay for about half an hour at the end of two weeks. Just fit in with them. The most important thing is that your child should feel that school is a happy place and that it is not associated with the unhappiness of being separated from you and of feeling entirely alone. A good teacher, who feels confident about your child and confident about herself, will very firmly suggest that you leave when she thinks the time is right. Being overprotective about your child at a nursery school only makes it harder rather than easier for your child, especially if she's capable of coping without you. If you have a good rapport with the teacher you should feel happy taking her advice in this.
All of my children liked a ritual when they first arrived at nursery school. No matter what it was, we always did something that took about five to seven minutes before I said goodbye, and then they always came to the window and waved. This seemed to keep a child of not yet three quite happy when I departed and you may like to try a similar routine.
New Babycare
Copyright © 2009 Dorling Kindersley
Text copyright © 2009 Miriam Stoppard
Posted 03.11.2010
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